The woman who pursues a man does so because shes afraid to share control of the courtship with him. A quality man wants a woman who trusts her instincts enough to recognize him and to allow him to court her. Courting you is his share of the control, and responding is yours. A man of quality will enjoy courting a woman of quality.

You may find that if you chase after a man, youll chase him away. If youre a successful career woman, or a parent whos worked hard to provide for her children, you know what it means to accomplish your goals. You know what you want and you do what it takes to make it happen. In the realm of love and relationships, sometimes doing what it takes means doing nothing, because theres now another person involved. Bonding with Mr. Right isnt a straight-line progression from A to B to C. Instead, its a give-and-take, back-and-forth structure where you become closer, not just from the actions you take, but also because of what you dont do (i.e., you dont act on your fears, pursue him too aggressively, or violate his boundaries by trying to fix or control him).

Your taking control of the entire courtship can drive Mr. Right away, and it can bring Mr. Wrong closer to you. Your trying to control the courtship can mean that you cant handle rejection well, and youll lose validation as a result. Controlling the pace is different than controlling everything about the courtship. In controlling the pace, you set boundaries and observe your emotions, so you dont race ahead of yourself. Controlling the entire courtship means you call him at those times when it would be more appropriate for him to call you. Controlling the courtship and not sharing that control means youre trying to play both your role and his at the same time, and that will free (and motivate) him to pursue someone else.

Give him a chance to court you. Self-reliant women are used to taking action and getting results, but such an approach can backfire when it comes to love. For instance, getting a college degree is within your control. You research schools, apply for admission and perhaps financial aid. You show up for class, study hard and repeat the process until you graduate. When it comes to dating, half the control belongs to your suitor. You can control only your part of the courtship process but remember, you control 100% of your part.

Traditional dating rituals, such as allowing the man to initiate the invitations, allow you to control the pace. Just because you allow him to court you, that doesnt mean you give up any power or control in the process. On the contrary, the first empowering act of control you exhibit is that of allowing him to court you. If you feel compelled to pursue him, ask yourself why. Current culture dictates that women are on equal footing when it comes to calling; but to make it work, youve got to be calling for the right reasons.

If you call a man because youre unwilling to allow him to court you, it could be that you feel unworthy of his attention. You may also believe that he may not want to see you unless you do all the work. Or you may feel some vague uneasiness at having to wait for his invitation, which is a sign that youre on the brink of using this man for a level of emotional fulfillment that you should be providing for yourself.

Another cause of vague uneasiness would be that youre feeling and fighting the urge to rush the relationship instead of enjoying each moment as it comes. If you feel uneasy at having to wait for him to contact you, question why.

Are you really just concerned that if he doesnt call, you wont have any alternate plans? Be sure you have enough activities and interests to keep you occupied so you dont reach out to a potential Mr. Right to fill any emotional neediness youre experiencing. If you want to call him because youre used to being in charge and in control of your life, then remind yourself that you are in control when you give him the opportunity to call you. If you like this man enough to be excited at the idea of dating him, then youll have to trust him enough to court you.